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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Car
Life
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Eye
Passings
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Passing
Used
More quotes by Woody Allen
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
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In certain areas I don't function well and in other areas I function very well. I'm very good professionally. I have good discipline, I'm able to write every day and do films and not go six times over the budget. I mean I'm a coherent person, but I also don't like to go through tunnels when I travel. I'm claustrophobic.
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.
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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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