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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Worst
Eyes
Eye
Passings
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Driving
Used
Passing
Life
Car
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
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When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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My experience creatively is different than my experience in life, for, as my father would say, the simple reason that you can't get hurt when everything goes wrong creatively.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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