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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Toilet
Toilets
Pull
Ten
Paper
Problems
Problem
Come

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
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For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive.
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Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
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Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
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In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
Woody Allen
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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