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God is either cruel or incompetent.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Incompetent
Cruel
Either

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.
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You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
Woody Allen
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
Woody Allen
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
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