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God is either cruel or incompetent.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Either
Incompetent
Cruel

More quotes by Woody Allen

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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games.
Woody Allen
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I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man's plight in this mysterious universe.
Woody Allen
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
Woody Allen
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
Woody Allen
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. — If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
Woody Allen
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You use sex to express every emotion except love.
Woody Allen
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
Woody Allen
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
Woody Allen
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People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
Woody Allen
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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
Woody Allen
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
Woody Allen
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The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
Woody Allen
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People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
Woody Allen
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
Woody Allen
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...
Woody Allen