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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
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Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Suddenly
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More quotes by Woody Allen
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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I can make films. And some of them come out good, and some of them come out better, and some of them come out worse. But I've been very lucky over the years to be able to sustain the length of career that I've had.
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
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The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.
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When one chooses to be a writer, psychologically there's a reason for that because you like the isolation and you like to be by yourself and you are by nature timid.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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