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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
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Character Actor
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Film Director
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Jazz Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It's fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it's economically helpful.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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