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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Music
Play
Years
Psychoanalysis
Like
Notice
Piano
Suddenly
Lessons
Progress

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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It's fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it's economically helpful.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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