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I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. ­

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Left
Two
Firsts
First
Marriages
Previous
Luck
Second
Wife

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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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I hope you're getting this down.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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