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I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Dying
Happens
Long
Mind

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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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The Jewish culture - people that are Jewish have a certain cultural habit that they've formed and one of those habits is an appreciation of theater and music - these are cultural things one does associate with values that are promulgated by Jewish families. I think that's a good thing.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
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I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there.
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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.
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You can't ride two horses with one behind.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
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