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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Stockbroker
Invests
Stockbrokers
Gone
Money
Someone
People

More quotes by Woody Allen

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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
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Life's hard, then you die.
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
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I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
Woody Allen
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
Woody Allen
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
Woody Allen
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
Woody Allen
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
Woody Allen
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
Woody Allen
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
Woody Allen
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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History is the same thing over and over again.
Woody Allen