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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
People
Jewish
Chinese
Worship
Wall
Food
Three
Things

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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
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I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs.
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If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe.
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
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My experience creatively is different than my experience in life, for, as my father would say, the simple reason that you can't get hurt when everything goes wrong creatively.
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
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