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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Three
Things
People
Jewish
Chinese
Worship
Wall
Food

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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
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You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
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