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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Laughing
Fun
Ever
Without
Sex

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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it
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Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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One filmmaker makes films that are deep, intellectual, profound and confrontational. And the other one makes purely vacuous, escapist films. I'm not sure the one who makes escapist films is making a poorer contribution than the one who makes the deeper films.
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I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.
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Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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Humorists always sit at the children's table.
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