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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Baths
Boat
Whenever
Wife
Take
Sinks
Boats
Bath
Immature
More quotes by Woody Allen
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
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There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something
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