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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Thinking
Brush
Brushes
Teeth
Excited
Today
Going
Think

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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health.
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Life is full of moments that are good - winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner - but the whole thing is tragic. It's an oasis that is very pleasant.
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The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude.
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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