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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Ever
Good
Noticed
People
Awake
Seem
Fun
Sleep
Seems
Better

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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.
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I can make films. And some of them come out good, and some of them come out better, and some of them come out worse. But I've been very lucky over the years to be able to sustain the length of career that I've had.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write.
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it.
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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