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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Dead
Light
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Switch
More quotes by Woody Allen
If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
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If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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