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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Sun
Hate
Redheaded
Stroke
Strokes
Pale
Beach
More quotes by Woody Allen
There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
Woody Allen
I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
Woody Allen
I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not.
Woody Allen
Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
Woody Allen
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
Woody Allen
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
