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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Stroke
Strokes
Pale
Beach
Sun
Hate
Redheaded

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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
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The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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In real life I'm not the character I play in my films. I'm reasonably competent, I work very hard, I'm disciplined, I lead a very middle class life. I work in the mornings, I have lunch, I practise my clarinet, I go to the movies, I eat out in restaurants or watch ball games on television or at the ball games.
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
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Me and nature are two.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
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