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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Strokes
Pale
Beach
Sun
Hate
Redheaded
Stroke

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When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term demonstration. If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely acting silly or behaving like an ass.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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