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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Present
Trying
Life
Arrange
More quotes by Woody Allen
Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
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I see the glass half full...but of poison.
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
Woody Allen
It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
Woody Allen
