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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Arrange
Present
Trying
Life
More quotes by Woody Allen
I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
Woody Allen
I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
Woody Allen
It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
Woody Allen
Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I am plagued by doubts.
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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I foresee death by culture shock.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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The wicked at heart probably know something.
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Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
Woody Allen
