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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Doesn
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Things
Oscars

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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
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I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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I'm a creature of the New York City streets.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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