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Those who can't do, teach!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Teach

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The only love that lasts is unrequited love.
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
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The process of making films is so technically demanding that it's a distraction. You don't spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
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The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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