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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Grandfather
Followed
Cars
Car
Actually
Men
Hearse
Insignificant
Funeral

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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.
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I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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Life is for the living.
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
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