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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Grandfather
Followed
Cars
Car
Actually
Men
Hearse
Insignificant
Funeral
More quotes by Woody Allen
I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something
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I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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This stuff tastes awful I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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