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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
World
Ears
Courses
Course
Valet
Came
Behaved
Everyone
Parking
Need
Mess
Needs
Shot
Like
Shots

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I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. ­
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I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
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Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas.
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
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I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it.
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script--at least in my case.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.
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I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
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