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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Think
Thinking
People
Lawyers
Lawyer
Sex
Become
Never
Time

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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