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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Experiences
Lifetime
Sex
Death
Two
Come
Believe

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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not the thing with feathers. The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write.
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone.
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I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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