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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Great
Persona
Way
Forced
Always
Comedian
Lifetime
Hero
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Brando
Better
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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Magic has always been of a great interest of mine. I was an amateur magician when I was young. I used to practice and read up on it a lot. I'm well-aware of the history of magic.
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
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90% of success in life is showing up
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
Woody Allen