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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Heaviest
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Need
Figures
Needs
Move
Even
Already
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Moving
More quotes by Woody Allen
I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.
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If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It's fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it's economically helpful.
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. — If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists
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Every time you make a movie it's a new and different experience. You learn very little from the past. So, I'm a little bit better than I was when I first started.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.
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