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... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Guy
Funny
Made
Years
Insanity
Humor
Crazy
More quotes by Woody Allen
What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
Woody Allen
For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
Woody Allen
Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
Woody Allen
Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
Woody Allen
If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
Woody Allen
If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe.
Woody Allen
My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
Woody Allen
What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
Woody Allen
We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
Woody Allen
I don't why whatever works and whatever doesn't. You just make the film that you enjoy making at the time, and you think there's a good chance that people might enjoy the story. You're surprised pleasantly when they do. It's just luck.
Woody Allen
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
Woody Allen
Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
Woody Allen
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Woody Allen
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
Woody Allen
I've been lucky because my films have consistently made a profit, almost all of them have made a profit. Never a huge profit, but nobody gets hurt. And therefore I get a lot of freedom.
Woody Allen
Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
Woody Allen
Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
Woody Allen
