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The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Jersey
Unlike
Primitive
Vast
Parts
Wasteland
Humor
Curtain
Funny
Curtains
Certain
Rises

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The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it.
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.
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Death is an acquired trait.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
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My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
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God is either cruel or incompetent.
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Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
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