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Your audience teaches you how to be funny.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Teaches
Teach
Audience
Funny
More quotes by Woody Allen
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.
Woody Allen
If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.
Woody Allen
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Woody Allen
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Woody Allen
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
Woody Allen
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
Woody Allen
It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
Woody Allen
I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
Woody Allen
I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.
Woody Allen
As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form.
Woody Allen
Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
Woody Allen
You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
Woody Allen
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
Woody Allen
I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.
Woody Allen
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
Woody Allen
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
Woody Allen
