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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Jew
Believer
Comedy
Bigs
Sense
Monopoly
Jews

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I am plagued by doubts.
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I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.
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We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script--at least in my case.
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
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