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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Jews
Jew
Believer
Comedy
Bigs
Sense
Monopoly
More quotes by Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
Woody Allen
There's something about my films they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not.
Woody Allen
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
Woody Allen
I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America.
Woody Allen
Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves.
Woody Allen
In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Woody Allen
Magic has always been of a great interest of mine. I was an amateur magician when I was young. I used to practice and read up on it a lot. I'm well-aware of the history of magic.
Woody Allen
There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
Woody Allen
I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.
Woody Allen
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
Woody Allen
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen
Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
Woody Allen
You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
Woody Allen
