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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Monopoly
Jews
Jew
Believer
Comedy
Bigs
Sense

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Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It's conceivable that you will change but it's not likely.
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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