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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
People
Offers
Interested
Movies
Always
Never

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I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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