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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Done
Abominations
Abomination
Lobster
Wearing
Particularly
Law
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
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Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.
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I am an only child. I have one sister.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
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