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I see the glass half full...but of poison.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Poison
Glass
Glasses
Full
Half

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In real life I'm not the character I play in my films. I'm reasonably competent, I work very hard, I'm disciplined, I lead a very middle class life. I work in the mornings, I have lunch, I practise my clarinet, I go to the movies, I eat out in restaurants or watch ball games on television or at the ball games.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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I am plagued by doubts.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
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