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I see the glass half full...but of poison.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Poison
Glass
Glasses
Full
Half

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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
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