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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Getting
Never
Grammy
Raped
Gifts
Busy
Gave

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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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Life is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody.
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I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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Life is for the living.
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. — If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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I am two with nature.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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