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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Merged
Commentary
Dissent
Formed
Magazines
Heard

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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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There is something about big cities that turns me on, and for whatever mysterious reason, places like New York and Paris inspire me. I think it's because cities represent civilization, and as crime-ridden and broken down as some of them are, it's still better than skipping through a meadow.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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