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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Duty
Suffering
Life
Jury
People
Manage
Avoid
Tragedy
Despair
Filled

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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
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Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
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It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction.
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I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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