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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Filled
Duty
Suffering
Life
Jury
People
Manage
Avoid
Tragedy
Despair

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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
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Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs.
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A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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