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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Negative
Results
Came
Back
Stupidity
Test
Tests
God

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Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.
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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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I wouldn't necessarily want to be a big muscular guy. It's nice to be gorgeous whether you're male or female assuming you don't lose whatever else you have.
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I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
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