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What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Cool
Matter

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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Showing up is 80 percent of life.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Woody Allen
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen