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What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Cool
Matter

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
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Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive.
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything.
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
Woody Allen
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Woody Allen
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Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Woody Allen
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
Woody Allen
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This stuff tastes awful I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.
Woody Allen
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I hope you're getting this down.
Woody Allen