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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Aerobics
Ounce
Acts
Gain
Anxiety
Gains
Never
More quotes by Woody Allen
Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes.
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One filmmaker makes films that are deep, intellectual, profound and confrontational. And the other one makes purely vacuous, escapist films. I'm not sure the one who makes escapist films is making a poorer contribution than the one who makes the deeper films.
Woody Allen
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Woody Allen
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
Woody Allen
I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
Woody Allen
I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
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I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
Woody Allen
None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
Woody Allen
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
Woody Allen
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
Woody Allen
I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Woody Allen
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
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