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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Life
Cope
Rational
Structure
Figures
Justice
Persons
Person
Way

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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term demonstration. If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely acting silly or behaving like an ass.
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way the working method is the same.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
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How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and wish you had done stuff better.
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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