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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
People
Actresses
Beings
Talk
Actors
Human
Humans
Real
Like
Theatrical

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Humorists always sit at the children's table.
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.
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Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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Jazz is a big thing with me. It's a very big passion of mine, to play it. I'm an amateur musician and I love everything about it. I was obsessed with jazz when I was 15 years old and I know a lot about it because I've loved it so much.
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again.
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!
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