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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Like
Theatrical
People
Actresses
Beings
Talk
Actors
Human
Humans
Real

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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
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The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
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I am two with nature.
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
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