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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Director
Blind
Directors
Funny
Film
Thought
Always
Would

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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
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I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way the working method is the same.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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