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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Make
Gift
Comedy
Write
Tell
Found
Done
Writing
Years
Jokes
More quotes by Woody Allen
When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
Woody Allen
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Woody Allen
But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
Woody Allen
I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
Woody Allen
You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Woody Allen
Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
Woody Allen
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
Woody Allen
Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
Woody Allen
I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
Woody Allen
For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody Allen
My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
Woody Allen
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Woody Allen
I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
Woody Allen
The process of making films is so technically demanding that it's a distraction. You don't spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.
Woody Allen
